Mad Idea....

I have the answer. No more money worries - I've started a bank.

I shall be seeking a bailout first thing next week.

What can you expect from 'Bank with Paul&Gary'?

Well, I will of course invest your money wisely.

For example, I shall only back horses with spookily prescient names. Take 'Old Git on Bike' in the 3.30 at Redcar. That sounds as though it'll be worth a flutter.

Plus, I have had some exciting new banking ideas. There's the underdraft, the extremely personal banker and the no-credit card (your inflexible friend).

I shall be paying myself a modest million a year before bonuses. Why not come to your local branch/my garage and fill out an application form?