Catching up....

The flu bug has left me here at home with an opportunity to catch up on whats happening in the world of cycling. I know its generally a quiet time, but there's always something going on...


Race news....
Two-time Tour de France winner and Sky leader Chris Froome showed that his passion for victory is undiminished by winning the Herald Sun Tour in Australia last Sunday. His first appearance of the season. The 30 year old won his second Tour title last July and became a dad for the first time in December.

Mark Cavendish chalked up a first victory for 2016, taking stage one of the Tour of Quatar to get off the mark (no pun intended) for the fledgling African outfit - Dimension Data.

Wiggo....
Bradley Wiggins has put on a whopping 12kgs of weight - Doubtless his crack team of advisors are analysing commercial opportunities for their man's latest metamorphosis - 'Bulk up with Brad' may provide an appetising alternative to the latest eating fads? Brad is of course no stranger to the world of weight fluctuation - this is perhaps the latest physiological modification required to go very fast in a different cycling discipline to his last?

Motor Doping...
The bike at the centre of the 'motor doping' scandal is available to buy online with a motor fitted. Willier however stress that their Cross Disc Carbon is not supplied by the factory with a motor fitted fitted and is threatening legal action against the rider at the centre of the allegations - Femke Van den Driessche, who competed in the Women's U23 world cycle-cross championship last weekend.

'Everyone knows parts to fit concealed motors to a standard frame are readily available' a spokesman for Willier said. 'However I want to make it clear that the Willier factory does not, and never has supplied bikes or frames fitted with motors - not ever'

A Wilier bike with a retro fitted Vivax motor is available to buy on-line from a Dutch retailer. Salden.nl who list the bike (with pedal assistance) at €4990.

Career in cycle sport?....
If you fancy a career change I hear that the UCI are running courses on how to drive safely in a convoy in a Grand Tour event.

Rumours....
Are rife that Wiggle are set to buy out their biggest rivals Chain Reaction. Wiggle is owned by Bridgeport Capital which bought the Portsmouth based company for £180 million in 2011. Wiggles sales soared to £168 million in 2015 and it has moved its warehouse operation from the South Coast to er... Wolverhampton! Chain Reaction meanwhile, has a much longer history, growing from a bike shop in Northern Ireland which started out in 1989 and changing to Chain Reaction in 1998. It boasts of being the world's leading online bike retailer - with sales of £170 million.

Stop Press...
Latest on the 'motor doping' - check out this video - you won't understand it but you'll get the idea of what a discreet motor can do - this an amateur versus a pro shot back in 2014 - they ride a hill first on standard bikes - then with the amateur using a motor assist

Man flu.....

I've been struck down: All my new-year plans are shot to bits as I struggle with a crippling and debilitating disorder. The illness is often referred to, insultingly, by females of the species as Man Flu. They are in fact immune from the illness, as man flu is now known to exclusively attack the XY chromosome carrier. It is a fact that if man flu is kind enough not to kill the infected party it will definitely leave him weak, sick, hurting everywhere and in dire need of TLC.

Medical professionals apparently now widely recognise that self diagnosis by the sufferer is the best means of identification as the symptoms of man flu are far more severe than those of the simple common cold - which predominantly attacks the XX chromosome holders (i.e. females). This goes some way to explain the cynicism sometimes displayed by some women towards their male counterparts. (I should qualify that this is not something I have experienced personally)

Fact or Fiction?...

Man flu is simply a cold - the symptoms of which are greatly exaggerated by men...
FALSE: Man Flu is a serious illness and will no doubt soon be on the Health and Safety executives list of reportable diseases. It is a distinct disease in its own right and should not be misdiagnosed as a mere cold.

Women can catch Man Flu...
FALSE: Man Flu is a genetic mutation that only attacks men - This may account for the reason that women widely believe that it is just a cold - but with extra drama thrown in for good measure.

The best way to deal with Man Flu is to just get on with it....
FALSE: Extensive research has proven that the only way to combat the crippling effects of Man Flu is complete withdrawal to the sofa and uninterrupted mollycoddling by girlfriend/wife

Men have a slower recovery rate from Man Flu than women do from the common cold....
TRUE: The effects of MF can linger for weeks - compared with a day or two for a cold. If a man is not allowed the correct period of convalescence following an attack of MF he can be plunged into a serious condition.

Man Flu is just a way for men to get sympathy/time off work/time in front of the telly....
FALSE: MF is a bona-fide illness - would men make a meal of that sort of thing?

The pain and suffering of Man Flu is similar to that of child birth....
TRUE: Though at least with child birth it's all done and dusted in a few hours - MF can last for weeks!

The best cure for MF is a cocktail of night-nurse, Day-nurse, chicken soup and whiskey...FALSE: There is no cure. Once infected the afflicted can only hope that the gods roll the dice in favour of life rather than a slow lingering death.


While suffering from MF, men would like nothing more than to go to work and try to forget about their affliction...TRUE: However men recognise the huge risk of spreading MF to other men - indeed a single cough in the wrong direction could hold enough MF germs to wipe out a small peloton.


What to do if you're struck down....

It's imperative that you get to a place of safety before the full force of Man Flu takes hold. Phone your nominated female carer (normally wife or girlfriend) and inform her of the crisis which is about to unfold. They must reach you at your place of safety in the initial stages before you become bed ridden.

Once you're home it's important that you feel as comfortable as possible. Slip into your dressing gown, pop your feet up on the sofa and reach for the remote control. Your nominated female carer will feel helpless as you plunge deeper and deeper into misery. Counter her feeling of helplessness by keeping her occupied with small tasks, such as massaging your feet or using a sponge to lightly dampen your forehead. 

 

Allow her to prepare Man Flu comfort foods such as chicken soup, or put Man Flu comfort television on, such as Wiggins' Tour de France victory highlights! Keep her fit and healthy by regularly sending her to the shops for a selection of Cycling magazines for you to browse. Remember, you're doing this for her. 

 

If you didn't die from your Man Flu it is imperative that a period of convalescence is taken. All to often men try to soldier on through the last symptoms only to be flung back into the depths of the illness because they didn't rest for the full term of the condition. Begin by moving short distances away from the sofa. Try not to mention your near death experience. Try to eat food that is 'healthy' rather than 'comforting'. But don't overdo it.

 

Frequently, following a period of Man Flu, the nominated female carer may also start to exhibit symptoms such as a runny nose and aching joints. This is, of course, the common cold and not Man Flu (obviously!). By far, the best way for her to deal with this is carry on with her normal day to day routine as if the cold wasn't there. After all, it's hardly Man Flu, is it?